Rape

The Nigerian law prescribes that a person has committed rape when he/she has sexual relations with another against his/her will, or:

• Without his/her consent or,
• While putting him/her in fear of death or hurt or,
• Misrepresenting as the spouse of the victim or,
• Having carnal knowledge (sexual relations) of a girl under 14 years, with or without her consent or,
• Having carnal knowledge (sexual relations) of a girl with unsound mind.

Rape can have harmful and lasting consequences for victims, families, and communities. Rape can lead to both physical and psychological trauma. There are different types of emotional and psychological effects of being raped as well as the accompanying physical and bodily injuries incurred by a victim.

The physical wounds from a rape could include bruises, pain, irritation and soreness in the vaginal area, bleeding, and possible tears in the vaginal-rectal region from forced penetration. Other resulting health consequences include getting pregnant, contracting Sexually Transmitted Diseases and/or HIV/AIDS.

Though it is largely opined that dressing or acting “provocatively” is an excuse to be raped, it is definitely not true. The truth is that a rapist acts not in response to your actions but rather to THEIR own lowly thoughts and desire to control and dominate someone. All men are physically able to stop at any point during sexual activity. Rape is not an act of impulsive, uncontrollable passion; it is a premeditated act of sexual violence.

Rape is never your responsibility to prevent, so there are no absolute actions that can keep you safe. But there are simple measures that can help you keep safe and feel safer including:

• Refusing gifts and/or avoiding visits from or to strangers alone.
• Drinking moderately and avoid getting drunk especially when in the company of untrusted/unfamiliar friends/people.
• Avoiding late night outings especially in the company of untrusted friends and in unfamiliar environments.
• Avoid taking dark, lonely roads/streets or corners.

Never feel guilty after being raped, the rapist is the guilty one.

Rape is never your fault and you do not have to blame yourself. You are not responsible for the actions of others and it is not your fault that someone decided to hurt you.

Here are some tips on what to do if you have been raped or sexually assaulted:

• Get yourself to a safe place.
• It is a good idea to contact someone you know and trust; a friend or family member and narrate the incident. This can be difficult, but can be a helpful support system.
• Do not wash or bathe yourself or wash your clothes just yet. If you do, you run the risk of washing away all physical evidence of the rape. Doing this would get rid of blood, semen, saliva, bruises or bites that could be used as evidence of the rape.
• Dash straight to a trained rape counsellor or healthcare provider to be examined. He/she is likely to find physical evidence as required by the law that can be linked to the rapist should you decide to press charges or take up the case to the police.
• Upon medical examination, the doctor can provide the necessary precautionary measures to prevent unwanted pregnancy, HIV and STDs/STIs.
• To help you recover, seek the support of family and friends. Healthcare providers can be contacted to provide information and guidance to help you recover physically and emotionally from the experience.

Rape victims can suffer a significant degree of physical and emotional trauma during the rape, immediately following the rape and over a considerable time period after the rape.

Acknowledge the Incidence: You may feel like denying it, forgetting about it and returning to your life as it used to be before the rape. Well, we can’t hide from our emotions and feelings. The hurt, the pain, trying to change or reverse the events leading to the rape….wishing that you could play the tape in reverse...wishing you did not walk that road...that you did not leave home or visit him that day...wishing you could wipe it all off and have a fresh new beginning....

But what has happened has happened. Acknowledge it so you can begin to take deliberate steps towards healing.

Ultimately, while the answer to this question is elusive, all you can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other, be prepared to fall down on occasion, and take a recovery break from time to time where you’re not going to counseling, reading about rape, or journaling about what happened. Put it aside periodically, then pick it up again when your batteries are charged and you’re ready for another painful surge forward. If you haven’t taken the first step yet, consider reading this your first step and give yourself a pat on the back.