Ending a Relationship
Breaking up is never easy. Never! Probably the only thing worse than being dumped is being the person about to do the dumping. So, how do you break the news without looking or feeling like a jerk? What are some appropriate ways to end a relationship?
You may feel pressure from your friends and family to just break up and move on, but we know it is never that simple. Here are some things to keep in mind when thinking about breaking up:
- The person you are dating has probably become a huge part of your life. You might see more of them now than you do your friends or family. So being scared about feeling lonely after the break up is normal. Talking to friends or finding new activities may make filling your new free time easier.
- You will probably miss your partner after you break up, maybe a lot. Even if they have been abusive and controlling, it is normal to miss them. Try writing down the reasons you want to end your relationship and keep them as a reminder for later on.
- If your partner is controlling and jealous, they may make a lot of decisions for you. It can take time to adjust to making your own decisions again. If you start to feel helpless or overwhelmed, spend time with your family and friends. They love you!
Ending an unhealthy or abusive relationship is not like ending a healthy relationship. Your abusive partner may not accept the break up or respect your boundaries. They may try to control you through guilt trips, threats or insults. It may be very difficult to have a peaceful or mutual breakup with an abusive partner. Just know that as long as YOU are ok with the decision, it is okay if your partner is not. If you are thinking of ending your relationship, consider these tips:
- If you do not feel safe, do not break up in person. It may seem cruel to break up over the phone or by text, but it may be the safest way.
- If you break up in person, do it in a public place.
- Do not try to explain your reasons for ending the relationship more than once. There is nothing you can say that will make your ex-partner happy.
- Let your friends and parents know you are ending your relationship, especially if you think your ex-partner will come to your house or confront you when you are alone.
- If your ex-partner does come to your house when you are alone, do not open the door.
- Trust yourself. If you feel afraid, you probably have a good reason.
HOW TO DEAL WITH A BREAK UP
Just because an unhealthy or abusive relationship is over, does not mean the risk of relationship violence is too. Use these tips to stay safe after ending your relationship:
- Talk with your friends and family so they can support you.
- If you can, tell your parents what is going on, especially if your ex-partner may come by your home.
- Talk to a school counsellor or teacher you trust. Together, you can alert security, adjust your class schedule or find other ways to help you feel safer.
- Avoid isolated areas at school and local hangouts. Do not walk alone or wear earphones.
- Keep friends or family close when attending parties or events you think your ex-partner might attend.
- Save ALL threatening or harassing messages your ex-partner sends. Set your profile to private on social networking sites and ask friends to do the same.
WHAT HAPPENS AFTER A BREAK UP?
It may not be obvious at first, but everything you put behind you only makes room for exciting changes in your life. Instead of spending time being stuck in a rut (and remembering what you are trying to forget), get creative and do something new! Also, remember what made you happy before the relationship. Were there things that you loved to do, but stopped because of your partner?
If you find yourself getting hung up on old memories, stay strong and remember how you felt when you made this decision. You do not have to put up with that anymore and you can be fully in control of your own life again. Looks like the single life might not be so bad after all!
And remember - When you end a relationship, even if you are the one who wanted to end it, it can feel like your heart is being ripped out of your chest. But even though at the time it feels like you’ll never feel alright again, you will eventually.